just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Even my vagina gasped.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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