i permit you to call me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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