Sry I called you an 8
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
