He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
