There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
