im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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