too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
