end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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