why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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