the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
