He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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