found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
