i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
