im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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