Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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