She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
