Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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