i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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