also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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