the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize