he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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