don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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