I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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