Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
