If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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