Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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