If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
