also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
