is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
