My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
