my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
