Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
