Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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