you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
