this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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