please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize