Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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