I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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