I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
