I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Did I show you my penis last night?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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