my soul wont recognize me after tonight
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My feet surprised me
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