Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
