dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
