found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
