Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.

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(773): View more from Illinois

My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.

Fav 38 1755 4072
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(901): View more from Tennessee

I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.

Fav 8 3246 1329
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.

Fav 20 1479 2407
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(903): View more from Texas

He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding

(541): View more from Oregon

Can I have him when you're done?

Fav 14 4188 1162
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(864): View more from South Carolina

She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.

Fav 4 937 1445
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(607): View more from New York

I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.

Fav 14 2632 755
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(616): View more from Michigan

is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?

Fav 3 512 724
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(352): View more from Florida

The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.

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