the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wish my penis had a tongue
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
