one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
