Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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