Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
