2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
