Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
