She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
