I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
