Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
