You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize