another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
