Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
