he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize