when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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