I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize