so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We got so high we made milksteak
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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