I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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