like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
