I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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