The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
