just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pants are for mortals
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize