We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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