just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
