I'm gonna have a badass scar
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
