If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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