wat bout pragnant strippers??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize