Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
