I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
