I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
