How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
