saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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