I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
