I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The power of my boobs compel you
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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