He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
