Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
God I need to hump something, right now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
