This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
