Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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