Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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