my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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