I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize