Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
