Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
