I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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