youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
