I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
