Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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