Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
