upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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