if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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