He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
