I'm laying in your front yard are you home
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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