On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
