Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
