Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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