My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
