can we get nightvision for the apartment?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize