I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
