she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
