i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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