now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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