It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
