I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
