this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just cropdusted the office
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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