he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize